Trying to understand another point of view

It's been raining cats and dogs here in Wahiawa for the past week and a half. We ended up with an electrical outage last night that put an end to my blogging and messing around on the computer. Consequently I went to bed early and got a full 8 hours of sleep. I felt wonderful this morning. (light bulb goes off in her head) Maybe I should just go to bed earlier so I can wake up feeling good every morning? Wow! What an idea!

I've spent the last several weeks crying on my friend's shoulder about Mama's condition. I've also complained bitterly concerning my feelings about Mama's oncologist. Friend is a medical doctor himself and has this to say to explain Oncologist's behavior:

"Your mom is still ambulatory, breathing, eating, will probably live past the end of the week, and therefore is on the "UP" side of HIS equation. He is dealing with at least 2 or more cases that won't see Monday of next week, the families are gathered, he has heard the good, the horrible, and seen the unthinkable, both in death and the attempt to keep people alive for a little bit longer. He hides behind a gruff, business like exterior, refuses to have his thoughts or protocols challenged, and refuses to fall into the 'trap' of being compassionate, because if he does, he will be unable to do his job. The vast majority of his patients won't be alive a year after he meets them, and only a handful of those that walk in the door for treatment will be around for a five year recheck. His lack of 'bedside manner' is his only protection for his soul that allows him to do what he does, and he is damn good at TREATING cancer."

So now I intellectually understand why Oncologist behaves the way he does but does that make me like him any better? No. My emotional side demands compassion from this doctor even while knowing that he will do his best to prolong my mother's life. Without compassion the man is a technician oiling another machine and attempting to keep the motor running for just a little longer. Sorry, maybe with time I can at least respect this doctor, but for now I thoroughly dislike the man.

I took Mama to her CannaMed appointment this afternoon. She was extremely grumpy when I picked her up. I finally asked her if she was mad at me. First a long silence, then a chopped statement: she didn't agree with using dope. I asked if she had spoken with anyone about medical marijuana. No. I asked if she knew anything about it. No, only that it is dope. I tried to explain what it would be used for. I explained that no one has died from a reaction and there are very few side effects. She said that she was very familiar with nasty side effects from the medications that had been prescribed to her (she'd had several bad reactions) but THEY weren't dope. I finally said that medical marijuana was legal because it was recognized that the stuff worked for pain, nausea, and appetite stimulation.

The drive to the office was very quiet.

She was reluctant to get out of the car to go into the building, but eventually gritted her teeth and pushed herself out. Unfortunately, the office staff was dressed VERY casually - this seemed to verify Mama's opinion that marijuana was only used by dope heads. She muttered under her breath as I filled out the paperwork and paid the consultation fees and state certificate monies.

As we waited for the doctor, she suggested that we leave several times. I calmly said that we'd wait to see the doctor. I think she had doubts that there would be a legitimate doctor on the premises. I studiously stared out the window wondering if this effort was worth the irritation.

After what seemed like an eternity (but was probably only 10 or 15 minutes), we were ushered into the doctor's office. Dr. Christensen was disheveled and looked like he needed a vacation. I thought the situation was quickly going to hell in a handbasket. But then he started to talk to Mama. He asked her about her health. He asked about her diagnosis (metastasized lung cancer, thyroid cancer and the possibility of pancreatic cancer). He listened to her heart. He explained what conditions marijuana would help. He told her that her daughter (me) was trying to help but that the final decision to use marijuana would be hers. He told her that she was going to have a very rough next several months. Mama listened and sighed.

I was so impressed. This messy looking man was incredibly kind to my mother as he made his explanations. He then asked Mama about her past work and current hobbies. Mama's champion Yorkshire terriers are her pride and joy. They've kept her active and socially involved for the last 25 years so, of course, Mama fell in love with this doctor as he chatted with her about her "children".

As we left the office, we noticed an older Asian couple in the waiting room. The woman had extremely short hair and had obviously been through chemotherapy. I mentioned the woman to Mama as we walked to the car. She seemed to mull over the idea that other older Asian women also went to that office to get registered as medical marijuana users.

Mama is now willing to try the brownies to help her with her pain.

I wanted to cheer! I'm so grateful to all the doctors that treat my mother with kindness and respect. I'm glad that most of them fall into this category. I'm grateful to Heavenly Father and the entire universe for putting that Asian couple in the waiting room at the right moment. I wish them a cure for their troubles. I'm grateful to have another tool to help my mother with what is lying ahead.

I'm just grateful.

Mama was in a cheerful mood again when I dropped her off at her condo. It's been a good day.