After such a long spell of unemployment I now find myself with three jobs. I'm so grateful!

Substitute teaching has finally come to pass.  I've already worked as a sub two days in a row.  I've even gotten to teach at Leilehua - it's close enough to walk to school! There's a good possibility of working every day substitute teaching.

I have a part-time job at the new McDonalds in Mililani.  It's still being built so I get to train at other local McDonalds.  I've been thoroughly amazed at how friendly the management and crews have been.  Although I never imagined I'd find myself working at a fast-food restaurant, I'm grateful for the ability to obtain medical/dental/vision benefits for my daughter and myself. I'm also grateful for the flexibility of work hours that they've been willing to provide so that I can accommodate three jobs.

My third, and newest job is working as a cashier for Williams-Sonoma at Ala Moana.  This job is like working in a candy store - I thoroughly lust after all the fabulous kitchen things.  I'm going to have to use extreme discipline so I can go home with paycheck intact.

So how will I juggle all three jobs? Only through the gracious flexibility of my employers.  I'll work M-F until 3:30 as a substitute teacher; evenings after 5 at McDonalds; and weekends, school holidays, and the-weekdays-that-I-don't-have-substitute-teaching-assignments at Williams-Sonoma.  I'll be very busy, but the funny thing is that I seem to get more accomplished when I'm super busy.

I'm so incredibly grateful for the opportunity to earn a living to support Butterfly and myself.  Hopefully, I will soon be out of debt and be able to start saving for a home of our own.

Thank you, thank you!!!

A Very Good Day

Today has been a good day. I spent the day with a friend running errands and shopping (well, my friend did all the shopping, but I got to watch.) Part of the time was spent in my all-time favorite type of store - a bookstore.

I picked up Michael Pollan's book, Food Rules: An Eater's Manual. In it I found Rule 39: Eat all the junk food you want as long as you cook it.

Wow! Now I feel so much better about my old recipes. Yes, many of them are downright unhealthy because they are cooked in oil or contain LOTS of butter or use lots of sugar ... Some of them are old family favorites from several decades ago. Some are new favorites. A few are very healthy, but there are lots of relatively less than healthy recipes. They are all made from scratch using unprocessed ingredients. They are all made with love. I know exactly what goes into them. And I don't make them ALL the time. We DO eat healthy most of the time. But those old recipes were occasionally causing me some major guilt. Since reading that quote I feel much better.

Thank you, Mr. Pollan, for giving me a day of less guilt!

Yep, it's been a very good day!

A Change of Plans

Apparently a good night's sleep allowed me to make a decision: I'm giving up on living in Hawaii for the time being. We'll move back to Utah at the end of the month. I feel worn down and defeated by my inability to find a job that will allow us to live comfortably.

My experience today at the survey shop was the kicker. I'd known from the beginning of my employment two and a half weeks ago that there would be a quota to fill. No one gave a time frame for when that quota would be implemented. Apparently it began for me today. I only completed one survey during a three hour period this morning. I was told to log out and go home because I hadn't met my quota. I asked how I was supposed to make someone complete a survey and was told that I couldn't MAKE anyone complete a survey, I had to get them to WANT to complete one.

Funny how that's supposed to work when I'm the 9th (or higher) interviewer to call that person. Somehow it seems logical to me that by the 9th call and with several prior refusals, that MY call is only going to make the recipient more irritated. I also find it peculiar that I'm supposed to know, without any kind of training at all, how to get folks to want to complete surveys they've already refused to do. Apparently, I'm supposed to go home and repent of my transgressions and go back to work on Friday with the pulled-out-of-thin-air ability to get folks to want to complete surveys. Yep, that's going to work.

You'd think I'm not getting anyone to cooperate because of my unpleasant attitude on the phone. Au contraire, the one survey that did get completed was with an 85 year old woman on Molokai.  She was a hoot.  At one point I had to ask her if she was pregnant (I swear I'm not kidding!).  We both laughed  hysterically as she said that she needed a man for that to happen (ignoring her age, of course!)  At the end of the survey, she thanked me multiple times (can you imagine that?) and said that I was extremely pleasant. We wished each other a good day.

I'm wondering if some of my fellow employees are forging surveys because I don't hear many voices making it through to completion. I think it might be easy to be rejected and then go ahead and fill out the survey after the person hangs up. It would only take a few minutes to complete a survey if all you do is click answers and change screens as rapidly as possible. Or, for that matter, you could ask the questions out loud and fill in the survey however you want. If you think about it, that would kill three birds with one stone: the person refusing to fill out the survey gets taken off the list because the survey is completed, the customer gets his/her surveys completed, and the employee fills his/her quota. Seems like a win/win/win situation if you don't count forged data.

If you're thinking I've developed a bad attitude, you're right. My being sent home on Monday for being a half hour late because I helped a fellow employee get her keys out of her locked but still running car started the descent. Today's seemingly arbitrary implementation of a quota without any training at all, has begun the rapidly tightening downward spiral.

The real problem is that I can't forge data. It's just unethical. So even though I can't think of an easy solution to my quota problem, I can't create phantom surveys because it would be wrong. I was asked by (an anonymous person), why I cared, since it would help me. I care because I have to live with me and I view myself as an honorable woman.

Damn!

I have no work tomorrow. I'll use the free day to apply for holiday work at Ala Moana Mall. I need income so I can move our stuff and buy our airline tickets.

I'll have to take Odin to the Humane Society a few days before leaving to have him put to sleep. My poor boy is falling down an awful lot these days since he's losing use of his hind legs. I don't know if he has cancer or if he has slipped discs since I haven't been able to afford vet visits (for that matter, I can't afford doctor, dentist, or optometrist visits either). Whatever the cause, I can't take an ailing dog to Utah with us. This is too sad. I don't have many options available to me for this matter, or for anything else right now.

I've stopped saying "it can't get any worse" because it does. Worser and worser and far worser...

Think Positively

Okay. Enough with the whining. Tomorrow will be a better day.

Here's a feel good video for all of us. Enjoy. Be inspired.

Some Days Are Just Like That

Never go to bed the same person that you were when you woke up
(learn something, do something, be something)

This morning was just one of those days.

I took my certified copy of my college transcripts over to the school district office, thinking I'd finally completed all the hoop-jumping and would get put into the substitute teaching database. Lo and behold, my transcripts list my unmarried name ('cause I was single when I graduated) and my substitute teaching application has my legal name on it (hyphenated with old name and married name). THEREFORE I have to provide a copy of my marriage license showing the name change. I DON'T HAVE my marriage certificate here with me in Hawaii. In fact, I'm not certain where in Arizona it is. My Ex said he would look for it. If the certificate can't be located I'll have to order another copy from Utah (that's where we got married). It's just another delay in a long line of delays when it comes to substitute teaching here.

So off to the survey farm I go. I make it into the paid parking lot with ten minutes to spare for the walk over to the job. I just pull into my parking space when Lola (you DO realize I don't use real names on this blog, right?) runs up to my window in a panic exclaiming, "I locked my keys in my car and the engine's still running, and what should I do now?" I knew I was going to be late for work but it was for a good cause. I called AAA - they arrived within ten minutes. During the time I was waiting for the AAA guys to arrive, Lola ran over to the survey shop to tell them what happened and that we would be at work as soon as possible.

What?????

While she was gone, the AAA guy arrived, unlocked the door and left. Unlocking the door took a total of two minutes. Yea for quick, efficient work! Lola made it back saying that she'd told our supervisor that I'd had a minor accident and that we'd be there soon!!! What?????

Lola had gotten the phone number for work (silly me, I didn't have it in my cellphone) so I called to talk with the supervisor to explain what REALLY happened and said we'd be there as soon as we'd paid for parking and walked over. We were a half hour late. No problem.

No problem until we got to work, that is. We were taken into a back room and told that since we were late we were going to have to go home. I said that it would have been nice to know that BEFORE we paid for parking.

So. I lost $48 in wages, $10 in parking, about $5 in gas while being a good Samaritan. I sat in my car and cried.

After my cry I called my hanai Big Sister. We met for lunch (her treat - she's such a doll!) and just talked. I cheered up immensely.

So now I'm back home working on a new plan for bettering my situation. Big Sister is going to give me feedback each day so I'll keep on track.

I've got to get myself into a better financial situation. It could entail moving back to Arizona to be closer to my clinical hypnotherapy partner or possibly to the Bay Area to work from there.

I HAVE to do SOMETHING that will help me. I'm about as close to being homeless as is possible and still live indoors. This situation is downright scary.

Wish me luck.

Great Words of Advice

We find inspiration in the strangest places...

I was planning on just relaxing this weekend; cooking and cleaning and reading. Instead, I 'got' to spend a long day stocking at the Hickham commissary. I'm rather burned out and grumpy so I web surfed looking for inspiration. I found it in the following words of advice taken from Stitches in Life blog.

Great Words of Advice

1) Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
2) Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.
3) Don’t believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.
4) When you say, ‘I love you,’ mean it.
5) When you say, ‘I’m sorry,’ look the person in the eye
6) Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
7) Believe in love at first sight.
8) Never laugh at anyone’s dream. People who don’t have dreams don’t have much.
9) Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it’s the only way to live life completely.
10) In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.
11) Don’t judge people by their relatives.
12) Talk slowly but think quickly
13) When someone asks you a question you don’t want to answer, smile and ask, ‘Why do you want to know?’
14) Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
15) Say ‘bless you’ when you hear someone sneeze.
16) When you lose, don’t lose the lesson !
17) Remember the three R’s: Respect for self; Respect for others; and responsibility for all your actions.
18) Don’t let a little dispute injure a great friendship…
19) When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
20) Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.
21) Spend some time alone.

End of the First Week of Work

Well, it's technically only been a half week, but you know what I meant...

Doing phone surveys is a test of self control.
You control your feelings: rejection is not personal.
You control your impulses: you only THINK, "No sir, I'm not calling to torment and bedevil you, that's your wife's job."
You control your body: "This chair is SOOOO uncomfortable that I'm killing the nerve endings in my rear!"
You control your thoughts: "My brain is turning to jelly with each nanosecond I spend listening to answering machine messages and fax tones."
You channel your imagination: "Where can I find another job that will pay me at least this amount AND allow me to enjoy what I'm doing?"
You control your desires: "I'm staying in this chair and doing my job no matter how much I want to run screaming out of the room."

One of the best rejections I got today was growled along these lines: "Eh, you call dis numbah again, I going..." then he hung up. For your edification: If you want to be removed from a survey company's database you have to SAY, "Remove my number from your list." Otherwise, the company will just call you back another day. So that "gentleman" will continue to receive phone calls from our company no matter how much it irritates him.

Yesterday I got a call from the school district and I now have an appointment to get fingerprinted on Thursday, the 28th at 2:30. This glacier is moving.  One day I'll be able to substitute teach.

I am now going to be doing stocking at Hickham commissary. I'll have more lines to do. That will hopefully translate into more money.

So things are looking up.

This weekend Butterfly is off at YMCA camp. Yea! Hurray! I get the bed all to myself. I dearly love this kid but she kicks me every night and totally destroys the bed. She is such a tumultuous sleeper. This weekend she can destroy a bed somewhere else and I can stretch out knowing I won't get kicked. Life is good!

So, I have a free weekend (no main job on weekends and I decided to allow things to pile up a little at the commissary) and have no money to go do something fun. I guess I'll cook all weekend and stick everything in the freezer to tide us over during the coming week. That'll work.

I'm going to sleep in tomorrow morning. What a glorious idea!

I've Got a Job!!!

Craigslist came through for me - I've gotten employed! I'll be doing phone surveys for a marketing company on Fort Street Mall. The remainder of this week I'll just be working from 8 a.m. to noon but I'll begin full-time starting Monday. The pay is a little above minimum but that's way more than I'm earning as a stocker. If I do well during these first few weeks I can be put on the more exacting health surveys that pay $10 per hour.

There's no affordable parking on Fort Street Mall so I'll be taking the bus into town and back. When I find another part-time evening job I'll need to have my car available, but for now I'll just cope with public transportation.

Funny how the mind works: I don't start work until tomorrow morning, but I'm already figuring out how I can manage finances so I can begin to pay people back. It's going to be a while before I become debt-free again but I'm determined to get there as fast as possible.

The real question is this: Now that I have employment, should I stay in Hawaii and pay off my debts or do I earn enough to move everything back to the mainland and get another job there to pay off my debts? Both have merits. I'd love to be close to my grown children and grandchildren AND I want to stay here.

Hmmm, I've gotta think about this.

In the meantime; thank you to all of you who have prayed for our well-being and have wished decent employment for me. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

I wish all of you good fortune, prosperity, health and love!

The Second Interview

This morning witnessed my second interview for the Honolulu job.  Driving in, I was surprised that there was so little traffic, but I suppose most of the rush hour commuters were already at work by 8:30, so I cruised in early by 35 minutes.  It was nice to have plenty of time to compose myself and make sure my hair was brushed and my skirt straight before I walked up for presentation.

The interview committee was made up of 4 dynamic women.  They were obviously enthused about their jobs and wanted to know how well I'd fit into the company.  They talked about the lack of politics and the team spirit there.  I was thrilled to hear about a workplace where people actually worked together rather than competed with each other.

The interview lasted about 20 minutes.  I THINK I did well.  I was told that they'd make their decision and I'd hear the results tomorrow morning.

This is it.  If I get the job we get to stay in Hawaii.  I'll have to get another part-time job in the evenings to make up the rest of the income I need to pay all my bills each month AND pay back the money I owe, but I should be able to cross-train for other, better-paying positions within the company and eventually not have to have two jobs to make ends meet.

If I DON'T get this job we'll have to move back to Utah to live with Second Daughter and Son-in-Law.

I REALLY want to stay in Hawaii.  This job is important.  Cross your fingers for me. Please.

Job Interviews

Today's interview went well.  Well enough that I've been asked to return for a second interview on Wednesday.  This job was described as an entry level job that will give me the opportunity to move up in the organization.  If I get this job, I'll be able to cross-train with the IT department.  I'll be able to update my skills at the same time I receive hands on experience (something I haven't had for several years now.) That training will allow me to eventually get a full-time IT job that will pay me MUCH more than the receptionist position for which I'm interviewing.

So many "ifs".

Let's just hope that my charming personality plus my solid qualifications will be enough to land this job.

Please cross your fingers for me.

Livable Wage

I have a job interview in the morning. The wage scale for this particular job is $7.95 to $9.95 per hour. I just calculated how much I need to earn per hour in order to pay my bills. If I don't have a roommate I need to earn $15/hr. If I DO have a roommate, I need to earn $11/hr. Not good.

Most jobs advertised pay less than $8/hr.

So my dilemma is, do I take a job for less than I need to earn and then find another part-time job to make up the difference, or do I call it quits and move to Utah to live with my daughter and son-in-law?

This is harder than I thought.

Geekdom

Oldest daughter sent a link to this fabulous song called The Nerd Anthem. Ooooohhhhh, this is sooooo me!!!!!

We are working on the third generation of female geekdom from me to Oldest Daughter to Only Granddaughter (who is now 6). I'm so very proud!!!!



It was odd growing up as a misfit (isn't it always?). Taking all college-prep classes in high school (okay, I cheated and took chorus as my only "get an easy A" class and that was ONLY because I loved to sing!) made me a target for the "let's beat up the weird hapa-haole girl" crowd. Fortunately, the ability to get people laughing got me out of injury on four separate occasions, so I never actually got beaten up, but they sure were close calls!

College put me in heavy male to female ratio classes. I got to experience dance partners that spent the entire dance talking about themselves without ever asking about me. Boys that asked me what I was majoring in (microbiology) who then made fun of my major (what? you aren't majoring in home ec?) were supremely annoying and all too common. The topper was the advisor that assured me that I'd never marry and have kids if I became a doctor. And I believed him (okay, I wasn't as smart as I should have been and it took many years before I grew a backbone). The Dark Ages was a really strange time to be female and smart.

BUT, I got to teach microbiology and chemistry to my kids. (Yep, I got married and had kids. I just didn't become a doctor.) I made up weird games to "increase their IQs". We had a gazillion Legos and Lego electronics long before they were mass marketed. I taught the kids to read before they went to school. We had the first CD player in the neighborhood. And the very first Mac in the area. The kids grew up with technology. Gosh it was fun to teach the kids to love science. And reading. And learning for its own sake. Geekdom for certain.

I got to program one of the first entertainment CD-ROMs in existence for the very first Sound Blaster card. That's such fun to remember. I was phone interviewed for the very first new technology director position at Microsoft. I didn't get the job but I WAS in the running. That's fun to remember, too.

So what if I felt like an alien associating with almost all women and most men? I STILL feel like an alien most of the time. That's life. As I get older, I'm finding myself at the lower end of the geek spectrum. At least there are more of us girl geeks. AND it's becoming almost acceptable.

Things Are Looking Up

This is a day for celebration; I've been put on Leilehua High School's priority substitute teaching list. That means that as soon as the district calls me to schedule fingerprinting and then enters me into the DOE database, I can start working as a substitute teacher! If I do a good job subbing I can work every day. That means I'll make enough money to afford to live indoors! I can cover my bills, pay back all the wonderful folks that have helped me in the past many months and actually get ahead!

I'm so very happy!

Of course, I'll need to continue the night-time stocking job for a few more months until I get a handle on my bills, but there's an end in sight. I'm so very happy!

To add to the happiness, a good friend sent a box of books for Butterfly and me to enjoy.  Best part? the books filled with Modesty Blaise comics!  Modesty is my favorite heroine (along with Emma Peal, of course!)

This weekend I'm scheduled to do another cooking demo. This time I'll dress up in 50's housedress, apron, and blond wig ala June Cleaver to demo a marinade. I'm not sure what the tie-in is, but that's okay. It will be silly and fun. I'll post the photos on this blog either on Sunday or Monday.

Update: My boss has informed me that the costumed cooking demo has been postponed to a to be determined date.  Oh well, that means I have tomorrow morning free.

I hope you have a wonderful day, too!

Needing Validation

Installed Saab clutch

What's with all the problems with my clutch? My car went into the shop exactly three weeks ago with a dead clutch. I got the news tonight that the newly installed clutch is "dragging" and is "not right". Aaaarrrggg!!!!!

An after-market clutch had been installed. I have no problem with after-market car parts; they save money and normally work just fine. This time though...

Apparently, my '96 Saab can have one of two different clutches, depending on the engine number. One of those clutches is here on the island, the other has to be ordered from the mainland. IF the on-island clutch is the correct one, then I MIGHT get my car back tomorrow. If it has to be ordered from the mainland, it'll be ANOTHER week before I get it back.

Well, I'll get it back if the flywheel isn't causing the dragging. It looks like my flywheel had suffered heat damage from the previous owner's bad driving habits of peeling out from a dead stop and who knows what other horrors he performed on my poor Gwen. Normally only minuscule shaving has to be done to recondition the flywheel, but in this case, because of the pitting from the heat damage, much deeper shaving had to be done. There's the possibility that I'll need another flywheel... That means more time, more money, more delays. Aaarrrggg!!!

Only Son and daughter-in-law are on island right now visiting prior to their friend's wedding. I WAS going to let them use my car while here but I have to have a working car in my possession first.

I called Oldest Daughter to cry on her shoulder. She listened sympathetically, tut-tutted and said all the right words. I just needed some validation of my frustrations to start feeling better.

We all need validation of our feelings. This video is one of the best one's out there that shows the importance of validation in our lives. I hope you enjoy it.

Oh, and wish me luck in quickly resolving the car issues.

The Road to Happiness

I have a lot of blog postings, advertisements, quotes, and the like coming into my email inbox every day. I'm becoming disillusioned with the so-called encouragement messages on "How to Avoid Stress", "Make 1000s Weekly Online", "You've Been Selected", "Changing Your Life is as Easy as Breathing" and on and on ad nauseum. ALL of them involve spending my money to purchase something that will make THEIR lives better!

There's a sucker born every minute!

Yes, I realize that I'm SUPPOSED to look at them as services that I'd pay for to enhance my life, but I'm feeling really jaded right now about all the ads. They all boil down to requests for money. For money I don't have.

So many of these ads state that they'll help me make a fortune if I purchase their scheme for ONLY a small amount of money. Then when I look further into the mail, the initial small amount has much, much larger amounts piggy-backed on for enhanced services that will make it easier for me to accrue those fortunes. Seems to me that the only people making the fortunes are the ones selling the services.

I hit upon an interesting discovery last week. I'd purchased a chocolate candy bar and left it in my bag as I worked at the commissary. I found that the other candies weren't interesting because I already had candy that I could eat anytime I felt like it. It made me realize that I stop desiring things when I feel like I have enough. Funny how the "I have what I want" feeling translates to "I have enough" and "I have everything I need".  I want to get to the point where I feel like I have "enough" in my life and these silly advertisements are simply adding to my frustrations.

Prosperity is right around the bend

I'm sure those ads appeal to many people. They just irritate me so I'm apparently the wrong audience. Cure: unsubscribe to ALL of them.  I've done this in the past and somehow they've proliferated again.

I think the cure for the "wanting" that I have is making enough money to live comfortably. A friend has said that he's positive that everything I've ever wanted is right around the bend. Nice thought that I'm  hanging on to. In the meantime, I'm attracting hypnotherapy clients. Yea!  It's a start!

Lessons Learned While Working at Slave Labor

Being unemployed was awful. Being underemployed is not much better but at least we get to live indoors and some bills get paid.

I've been working as a night stocker at Hickham and Pearl Harbor commissaries for the last several months. Good things about the job: I've lost weight because of the physical labor; I'm getting stronger; I now understand what it takes to get a store ready for customers; I've met some really terrific people. Bad things about the job: It's sweaty, physical labor that I was certainly not used to; I get paid 35¢ per carton unpacked -- that translates to about $3 per hour. I'd make more if I was stocking large items such as cartons of juice, but I'm unpacking health and beauty aids like aspirin and vitamins. Those dang things are wrapped in enough plastic to gift wrap a car. It takes so much time to wrestle the items out of their protective coatings of plastic and then line them up on the shelves that the idea of making a decent wage is nigh impossible. Gotta get a real job...

I've learned some important ideas on this job:
1. It's important to recognize the things that are done well rather than only point out the things that need improving.
2. As important as praise is, a decent, livable wage is even more so.
3. Clear, written instructions save everyone wasted time and lessen miscommunication.
4. Job training cuts down on wasted effort.
5. Sharing time-saving shortcuts with the employee lessens frustration and improves performance.
6. A manager's job SHOULD include mentoring the employee
7. Employees are valuable assets that make money for the employer. They are NOT slaves to be taken advantage of.
8. Making money at the expense of the employee is unethical.
9. Poor people aren't lazy; most of the poor people I know work their a***s off. (This is in regards to stupid quotes from stupid public personalities:

"You know, people are poor in America ... not because they lack money; they're poor because they lack values, morals and ethics. And if government can't teach and instill that, we're wasting our time simply giving poor people money." — Radio personality Bill Cunningham

"[Y]ou gotta look people in the eye and tell 'em they're irresponsible and lazy .... Because that's what poverty is, ladies and gentlemen. In this country, you can succeed if you get educated and work hard. Period. Period." — FOX News host Bill O’Reilly

)

One of my goals is to become an employer. I swear I'll do a better job than any of the employers that I've worked for. Maybe THAT'S the take-away lesson from this experience.

Bad employers are another really good reason to be an entrepreneur.

Labels and Happiness

I was raised in a family with parents that operated on the theory that calling me stupid, incompetent, and lazy would make me work harder. In retrospect, they were right about working harder but it came at a very high price. I BELIEVED them and have spent the rest of my life trying to prove to myself that they were wrong.

That's the thing with labels - we believe them. Some of us believe negative labels and just give up while others beat themselves with the labels during those dark moments that we all experience.

I remember talking with a counselor at college who advised that I stop calling myself by those labels when I talked to myself. It was the wisest advise I've ever heard.

For those raising children now - tell your children how smart and talented and kind and beautiful they are; they'll grow up believing you.

For those of us without children or whose children are grown and gone - tell YOURSELF how smart and talented and kind and beautiful you are. Instill the new labels. Use meditation, hypnosis, positive affirmations, or whatever works for you. And learn to be happy no matter what your circumstances are.

We are all wonderful, valuable human beings linked to each other. We are ALL important to one another.

Make it a joy-filled day.

Synthesizing Happiness

I learned at the Hypnotherapy Academy that it's not what happens that matters, it's your perception of the events. Shakespeare said it best:

'Tis Nothing good or bad
but thinking makes it so.
William Shakespeare

I'm related to people that seem to be happiest when miserable or when they are making others miserable. I don't understand why that bring satisfaction to them. Maybe it's not satisfaction but a feeling of being in control when they otherwise feel so out of it. I keep thinking that they'd be so much happier just by changing how they look at the world.

We can make our own happiness just by changing our thoughts and attitudes. Sometimes that's easier said than done, of course, but time and persistence can work miracles if we just allow it.

How much happiness do you want in your life? What thoughts are you willing to change in order to be happy?