New diagnosis

I took Mama back to the oncologist today. It's confirmed, she has a small cancer in her pancreas. The doctor thinks it spread from the lung cancer.

She has an appointment with the radiologist on Wednesday to discuss radiation treatment of the larger tumor in her left lung. Chemotherapy doesn't work well on lung cancer so the next step is to shrink the larger mass to buy her more time. After that she'll have chemo to treat the other cancers.

Mama didn't, apparently, hear the doctor say that neither radiation or chemo will cure any of the cancers. She also didn't appear to hear the doctor, after he asked her about the pain that she's experiencing, say that it was going to get worse. She seemed happy about the upcoming radiation treatment saying that she was happy that the diagnosis wasn't bad news. I just smiled and nodded my head.

I have more compassion for the oncologist. He said what he said while glancing at me to see if I understood. I could see that he was trying to find the best news to give Mama to give her hope. That's what she needs most of all; the hope of living life as normally as possible for as long as possible.

I'm left wondering how long she is going to feel okay. I'm wondering if the 6 weeks of radiation on the left lung mass will mean the right lung mass and the pancreatic mass will spread. I'm wishing she were closer so I could cook nutritional meals for her every day since she's not eating well on her own. I'm feeling pretty helpless.

Wednesday will also bring another test: an ultrasound-guided needle aspiration of the thyroid cancer. I'm not sure what this is supposed to prove. Maybe just proof for what the blood tests already show? Mama seems to view more diagnostics as the possibility that she might not have thyroid cancer.

I feel numb.