Auntie called today to ask me to pick up mango pickles. She is such a sweet woman. I'll see her tomorrow.
I asked her how Mama was doing. Auntie said that I should call my mother. When I reminded her that Mama told me to never call her again, Auntie said I should never mind what Mama has said to me. She said that Mama is lonesome and I should call her.
Damn!
Now I struggle with myself as I ask if I can handle more abusive words from my mother. Should I be the dutiful daughter and make another effort at reconciliation?
Probably.
I need to hypnotize myself to be immune to anything my mother can and will say.
I'm going to work. Stocking shelves requires no thinking - I can struggle with my conscience in peace.
Damn! Damn! Damn!
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