Thoughts on Being a Mean Mother

Stormy weather at home

Yesterday Butterfly said I was a wonderful mother. Today she hates me. Teenagers are SUCH fun...

So WHY does she hate me today? She hates me because I told her she had to type her vocabulary words, definitions, and paragraph (using all the vocab words) in MLA format. I also made a list of all the homework that was due this week that needed to be worked on. She had a melt-down.

Butterfly is very good at attempting to divert the subject at hand (homework that has to be done) by throwing in all kinds of interesting mind streams (she wants to move back to Arizona, I don't care about her, her life is so difficult, why am I so mean, etc). I've gotten much better at ignoring the diversions and bringing the topic back to the homework that has to be done NOW but I find myself wondering if we've wandered too far from the animal kingdom by NOT devouring our young (I have my own interesting mind streams).

Fortunately, Butterfly's next door friend showed up to help with homework. Next door Friend is home-schooled, does very well academically and also loves helping Butterfly with her homework. How in the world did I luck out with such a fortuitous gift as her for a next door neighbor?

After showing the homework list to Butterfly's Friend, I went for a walk around the block with Friend's mother. By the time I got home Butterfly had completed one assignment and was finishing up the second. She was also in a much better mood.

I fed both girls chicken noodle soup and French bread from last night and then they went back to work.

Health project: 5 lb Rice Bag Baby

They completed four out of five assignments and quit for the night. Since the fifth assignment isn't due until next week I thought it was fine to wait until tomorrow to work on it. Friend's mother came to collect her, Butterfly took a shower and got ready for bed. I'm very pleased that Butterfly has finished most of her assignments for this week ahead of time. Friend has made my life so very much easier and I am most grateful to her.

Uphill climb

This semester I'm determined to stay on top of Butterfly's school assignments to make certain that she actually does them and gets them turned in. Allowing her to be in charge of her own homework has been disastrous for her grade-wise. She procrastinates everything until past the due dates and then we go the rounds over her failing grades. Now she views me as the mean mother that doesn't love her because I make her do her homework ahead of time.

(I keep all the school assignments logged in the Cozi Calendar. It's meant that I don't have to remember what Butterfly needs to do and when the assignments are due. Hopefully, this family calendar will help me keep on top of all the family assignments and appointments. I appreciate every helpful tool I can find.)

Mom, the ogre

I've never felt that I needed to be my children's friend. I felt that I was the parent and needed to make certain that the kids were guided, coached, trained, and disciplined when needed. Those things typically meant that I wasn't popular around home, but the kids stayed out of trouble, grades were decent, they learned to work and become responsible, and learned manners for civilized interaction with polite society. I'm now good friends with the older kids. Butterfly is the last child at home and I find that I'm more tired and less certain of how to deal with a sometimes defiant teenager. Perhaps one day, when she has children of her own, she'll realize that her mother loved her enough to be the bad guy in order to help her succeed in school.

Please let us both survive high school!