Today I started training as a merchandiser. Don't ask me what my job entails - it's a lot and I don't know enough to know what I will end up doing. Did that make any sense? Anyway, it kept me busy - so busy that I didn't even think about medical things. My boss is terrific - funny, compassionate, and a good trainer. I am grateful for the opportunity to earn while I work hard to do a good job. I'm also grateful to have something to take my mind off of what lies ahead.
So many people have advised me to start doing nice things for myself. That's such a foreign idea. I've spent my entire life caring for other people - my siblings when I was young, my children and husband(s) as a young adult, my children as a single mother, and now my mother. I don't know how to nurture myself. I'm having trouble even imagining what that looks like. This is going to take some serious and maybe creative thought.
How does the caretaker care for herself?
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About Me
- Edda Mome
- I'm a mom interested in my family's health. I want things as natural and organic as possible. Professionally, I'm a clinical hypnotherapist that specializes in problems of depression, anxiety, and addictions. I'm also pursuing a Master's degree in Acupuncture and Herbal Medicine.
Our first visit with the oncologist
Monday, March 1, 2010 | By Edda Mome
Today we met Mama's oncologist. He was very business-like. I suppose these doctors have to get this way since such a high percentage of their patients die. I'd imagine they need pretty thick skin in order to continue treating oncology patients without burning out. So he's undoubtedly used to the whole process of cancer and its treatment but this is our first time with this cancer business and it's pretty unsettling to be given the news so brusquely. It would be nice if he could bring himself to look either of us in the eyes.
He wants more tests. It looks like Mama might have thyroid cancer, too. And there's the suspicious couple of masses behind her pancreas. So Friday and Saturday are dedicated to MRIs of the abdomen and chest. He said that lung cancer doesn't typically spread to these organs so we're talking about multiple types of cancer. She had a CT scan 7 months ago that didn't show these masses. I have a sinking feeling in my chest. This doesn't look good.
Wednesday we go see the thoracic surgeon. He and the oncologist will "talk", then Mama and I get to hear the results.
I have to plan. Most of my family think that I do things spontaneously not realizing that I plan, re-plan, group and regroup before I say anything to anyone so it appears that my plans have come out of the blue. Ha! I want to plan for the time that Mama can't eat because of nausea from her treatments. I want to plan for the time that she has pain. Today, the oncologist told me that I was being premature. I think he's wrong. Maybe he thinks Mama will be miraculously cured and all will be well? I'll discuss this with the thoracic surgeon on Wednesday.
Oncologist DID talk briefly about treatment. If the suspicious masses are benign, then there will be radiation and chemo; perhaps even surgery on the lung cancers. If the masses ARE malignant, then it'll be just chemo. He said that they may want to scope the lymph nodes to see if THEY are actually cancerous. Mama would be hospitalized for a day or two after the procedure. We'll know more next Monday when we see him again.
Mama is taking this very well. She is cheerful and in a much better mood than I've seen her in for a long time. Maybe it hasn't sunk in yet. Maybe she doesn't understand the whole situation yet. Maybe she feels relieved to finally have a name for the problem. Maybe she's just much stronger than I ever realized. Whatever it is, I'm GLAD that she is cheerful because I go home and cry for both of us.
He wants more tests. It looks like Mama might have thyroid cancer, too. And there's the suspicious couple of masses behind her pancreas. So Friday and Saturday are dedicated to MRIs of the abdomen and chest. He said that lung cancer doesn't typically spread to these organs so we're talking about multiple types of cancer. She had a CT scan 7 months ago that didn't show these masses. I have a sinking feeling in my chest. This doesn't look good.
Wednesday we go see the thoracic surgeon. He and the oncologist will "talk", then Mama and I get to hear the results.
I have to plan. Most of my family think that I do things spontaneously not realizing that I plan, re-plan, group and regroup before I say anything to anyone so it appears that my plans have come out of the blue. Ha! I want to plan for the time that Mama can't eat because of nausea from her treatments. I want to plan for the time that she has pain. Today, the oncologist told me that I was being premature. I think he's wrong. Maybe he thinks Mama will be miraculously cured and all will be well? I'll discuss this with the thoracic surgeon on Wednesday.
Oncologist DID talk briefly about treatment. If the suspicious masses are benign, then there will be radiation and chemo; perhaps even surgery on the lung cancers. If the masses ARE malignant, then it'll be just chemo. He said that they may want to scope the lymph nodes to see if THEY are actually cancerous. Mama would be hospitalized for a day or two after the procedure. We'll know more next Monday when we see him again.
Mama is taking this very well. She is cheerful and in a much better mood than I've seen her in for a long time. Maybe it hasn't sunk in yet. Maybe she doesn't understand the whole situation yet. Maybe she feels relieved to finally have a name for the problem. Maybe she's just much stronger than I ever realized. Whatever it is, I'm GLAD that she is cheerful because I go home and cry for both of us.
The very first posting
Sunday, February 28, 2010 | By Edda Mome
There are so many blogs out there in cyberspace these days. Why would I want to start another one? This one may never be read by anyone other than a few loyal friends and family members but that's okay. I'm writing for my sanity.
How are we supposed to deal with the diagnosis of cancer in a family member? After the initial shock and horror?
My mother has been diagnosed with lung cancer. She has a growing tumor in her upper left lung, another smaller mass in her upper right lung and affected lymph nodes all down her chest.
She never believed that her smoking would cause her to become ill. She certainly wouldn't quit because secondhand smoke was bad for the rest of us. She liked the taste and smell of the cigarettes and, by golly, she wasn't going to quit just because of something that MIGHT happen. However, after 50 years of one pack a day inhalation she's got the diagnosis. Now what?
I'm going to become her caretaker. One of my sisters lives an ocean and a continent away. The other sister is not in my mother's good graces. Heavens, I'm barely in Mama's good graces but I'm the oldest and in an Asian family that means I get to care for my mother.
So, ready or not, we get to deal with upcoming radiation and chemotherapy.
I've already signed the HIPAA forms for each of her doctors so I can talk with the docs about her treatment. I take her to each of the doctors appointments and listen to what they have to say about her case. I have copies of all the recent pathology reports. I've talked with my physician friends about the reports and find out what, if anything, her doctors might not be willing to tell us yet. I'm trying to understand everything I can about squamous cell carcinoma. My head feels overly full, as if I've eaten too much and need to digest before I can take in any more.
I'm afraid for this woman that I don't understand and have never had a good relationship with. I'm afraid for the ordeal that she's facing. I'm afraid for the upcoming stresses and feel guilty for worrying about it. I certainly wasn't ready to become a caretaker while still single.
Tomorrow we see the oncologist for the first time. I'm crossing my fingers. I'm not sure what I'm hoping for but it seems like the right thing to do.
How are we supposed to deal with the diagnosis of cancer in a family member? After the initial shock and horror?
My mother has been diagnosed with lung cancer. She has a growing tumor in her upper left lung, another smaller mass in her upper right lung and affected lymph nodes all down her chest.
She never believed that her smoking would cause her to become ill. She certainly wouldn't quit because secondhand smoke was bad for the rest of us. She liked the taste and smell of the cigarettes and, by golly, she wasn't going to quit just because of something that MIGHT happen. However, after 50 years of one pack a day inhalation she's got the diagnosis. Now what?
I'm going to become her caretaker. One of my sisters lives an ocean and a continent away. The other sister is not in my mother's good graces. Heavens, I'm barely in Mama's good graces but I'm the oldest and in an Asian family that means I get to care for my mother.
So, ready or not, we get to deal with upcoming radiation and chemotherapy.
I've already signed the HIPAA forms for each of her doctors so I can talk with the docs about her treatment. I take her to each of the doctors appointments and listen to what they have to say about her case. I have copies of all the recent pathology reports. I've talked with my physician friends about the reports and find out what, if anything, her doctors might not be willing to tell us yet. I'm trying to understand everything I can about squamous cell carcinoma. My head feels overly full, as if I've eaten too much and need to digest before I can take in any more.
I'm afraid for this woman that I don't understand and have never had a good relationship with. I'm afraid for the ordeal that she's facing. I'm afraid for the upcoming stresses and feel guilty for worrying about it. I certainly wasn't ready to become a caretaker while still single.
Tomorrow we see the oncologist for the first time. I'm crossing my fingers. I'm not sure what I'm hoping for but it seems like the right thing to do.